Maybe Dry January
It’s totally normal if you both want to take an alcohol break and totally don’t want to at the same time! That’s certainly how I felt. From some previous unsuccessful attempts to put boundaries around my drinking, when I didn’t have the right tools, I had lost confidence. So, I really wasn’t sure I could do it. I definitely worried that I’d be miserable. And I definitely worried I’d let someone else or myself down.
Sound familiar? I’m here to say…I got you. Here are some tips to help make this a wonderful experience. You are already successful. If you are reading this, you are curious and that is honestly the magic ingredient.
1) The Numbers
Welcome!! The first tip to share with you is that you’re joining a true throng….a massive, groundswell sea of us who are questioning our relationship with alcohol. That right there might come as a surprise because we don’t see it!! We are all surrounded by other people who drink and an alcohol obsessed culture, and none of us talks to anyone about our concerns about our drinking, not even with close friends or even spouses. I sure didn’t! We feel less than in control, less than free, and we think we are alone! You are NOT alone! On average, people question their drinking for 6-7 years before making a move toward change. Well, if this is your moment to start questioning, you picked a good one. The Millennials are the first generation to drink less than their parents and Gen Z is drinking even less still. They are helping fuel a movement that is seeing the opening of alcohol-free bars and raves, the sprouting of well-packaged, hip new alcohol alternatives and the clamoring by huge corporate brands to produce non-alcoholic products.
2) Where Am I?
What does it mean to be sober-curious? Just that you’re taking a moment to say, hmmmm, what is really in this stuff, what does it do to my brain and body, and how and why did it become so omnipresent and powerful in our culture that we have to justify and defend NOT taking it?? So sober curious is a chance to step back, without judgment, and get “curious,” learn, and observe. That’s all it is. Be the author of your own personal science experiment and have fun with it. You don’t have to make any further commitment!
How we identify (non-drinker, AF (alcohol-free), sober, in recovery, alcoholic) and what words resonate with us are personal and have everything to do with the intensity of our experience with alcohol (whether this is a move toward better health or literally to save a life) and, where we are on the Alcohol Use Disorder continuum. There was formerly a very binary understanding of drinking….you were either “normal” or you had a “problem.” Grappling with the terminology keeps millions of people stuck. I’m saying don’t worry about the alphabet soup and just come on in!
“Sober curious is a chance to step back, without judgment, and get “curious,” learn, and observe.”
3) The Most Googled Question
Maybe you’re waking up at 3 am every night in a worry or shame spiral (that’s the alcohol!); maybe you’ve made vows and pledges only to break them at 5 pm; maybe you’re tired of worrying if you hogged the conversation or said the wrong thing or worse (and don’t remember it). Or even who you went home with or where you parked the car. Maybe you’ve googled “am I an alcoholic?”
What if I told you the term alcoholic is not even used anymore and that alcohol use disorder is now understood as a continuum. There are millions of us gray-area drinkers. And maybe the question is not about putting alcohol in the center and asking am I an alcoholic, but instead, putting YOUR most fabulous, fulfilled, thriving life in the center and using sobriety as a tool to get there!
4) Just Say No…To Willpower
There is something that sounds satisfying about muscling through the 30 days, with sheer grit and determination! But willpower will not take you where you want to go. It is like a muscle and will give way. Think about it this way…after 30 days, when we go back to our same routine, same life, and same THOUGHTS, why would we expect our drinking to be different?
Luckily for us, there is another way thanks to author Annie Grace who eliminated her own dependency on alcohol by steeping herself in the best science, research and cognitive behavior techniques out there. She charted an entirely new path to habit change in her book, This Naked Mind, and in her Alcohol Experiment and it works!
5) TLC
Treat yourself with love and compassion. This should not be penitence but pampering! You can think of it as a 30-day self-care month or luscious sabbatical.
Eat delicious nutritious food that is satisfying and gives you energy (actually sitting down for it!) Give yourself the best chances for good restful sleep. Get outside to walk or run. Do things that bring joy. We probably all have things that we know we love, but for all kinds of reasons, we haven’t done them in a while. Is that painting, photography, gardening, dancing, speaking Italian, playing guitar, or riding a bike? A colleague told me that her happy place is roaming a book store. So this month, do that thing. Even if just for 20 minutes. Or take one step, like researching or making an appointment or reservation to do that thing. Again, this should be something that really brings you joy, not something you think you should do.
Is it hard for you sometimes to spend money on yourself? If you were drinking regularly, consider the amount of money spent on alcohol and allow yourself to buy yourself a present…some beautiful tea, a bath product, a journal, a spa treatment. I took myself to a “tea bar,” struck up conversations with strangers, indulged in a luscious sweet, and bought myself a tin of matcha to enjoy as part of a new morning ritual. I went to a swing dance exercise class that challenged me and made me laugh.
Buy fun supplies to concoct your evening beverage (tonics, citrus, fruits, herbs, bitters, juices, etc). Interrupt your routine around your trigger times with a different activity like a long walk with an inspirational podcast, an online exercise or art class, or a warm bath.
Think about the gains (time, clarity, freedom, and lordy on high, precious SLEEP!). And journal. Your early observations and feelings will be very valuable to you later on plus it’s scientifically proven to reinforce the learning and lift your mood!
And finally, stay social! I know that my own personal journey would have felt even more supported and fun if I’d had peers to talk to which is why I created my group Alcohol Experiment programs. Check out my small group, coached Dry January program or my upcoming free Zoom chat What Does It Mean To Be Sober Curious (And All Your Questions Answered) and let me know if you’d like to join or have any questions!
I hope this is helpful. Good luck and enjoy it. I think you’re in for a treat!